So Drown in Liquid Gold
by Tsukuyomi-chan
Summary: There are five things about Gao that Tasuku knows for sure, and he has absolutely no clue how to cope with them. Spoilers for all of season 1.
The 5 things you know (and 1 you didn't) prompt, also with the Passion prompt for TasuGao week.

Basically a huge Tasuku and TasuGao analysis of season 1 and the gap between season 1 and 2, and just an introspect into Tasuku's feelings. Tasuku takes almost an entire season to realize he's in love with Gao the fanfic.

Summary: There are five things about Gao that Tasuku knows for sure, and he has absolutely no clue how to cope with them.

This is like the most shippy thing I've ever written and the most Tasuku even does is just admit that he's an idiot in love I suck at writing huge romances.

* * *

 **So Drown in Liquid Gold**

* * *

 _First: he touches you and you light on fire. your wrist blazes where his fingers meet your skin. the burns don't show, but it's hard to breathe with ash in your lungs. it's so hard to breathe. you're suffocating daily._

* * *

Tasuku's first impression of Gao is of fire. The fire burns and it destroys and his blood boils in the middle of the buddyfight, and he can't remember the last time that happened. It's fun. He's having fun. He, who dedicated his life towards helping others and giving himself up, is selfishly having fun in this one moment. Tasuku smiles, and he plays his cards, because that's all he knows how to do.

"Here I go, Tasuku-senpai!" Gao shouts, smiling, and there's a fire inside Tasuku.

He loses, and he thinks it's just fine, this one time. Allowing himself this one moment just so that he can lose is probably fine. One loss won't hurt him later on. This one fight wouldn't affect him that badly.

There's a voice inside him, and it's the same voice that Tasuku always hears whispering to him in the middle of the night, deep inside his dreams, so he follows it. Tasuku gives Gao his Gargantua Punisher, watching it change to fit Gao's design.

"Thank you, Gao-kun." Tasuku says, holding out his hand.

Gao's fingers touch his wrist, and there's a warmth that Tasuku doesn't recognize. Maybe it was similar to the faint recollections he had of a mother's warmth, a father's hug, Jack's embrace. But it was ten times as intense just from that one handshake, and Tasuku realizes that this is something he won't be able to recover from.

And Gao smiles, and Tasuku realizes that he might as well have stopped breathing.

He smiles back, and he thinks it'll be fine. But he sees that face in his dreams, that fiery warmth on his skin, deep within his bones, a fire around his body that is not from the blanket on his bed. At some point, after hours of restlessness, Tasuku sits up in his bed and swears a word that Jack wakes up and raises his eyebrow at him for.

"Jack," Tasuku starts.

"Yes?"

"I…" And Tasuku has no idea how to put it into words. "I think I want to hang out with Gao-kun. I want to play more buddyfights with him, just for fun. And on weekends and day offs and even more than that. I don't know…"

"You want to become friends with Mikado Gao?"

Friends? Maybe something like that. Tasuku had never had that feeling of friendship before, but assuming from how people always talked about it as something positive, he could make a pretty good assumption that the desire to be around Mikado Gao was something like this friendship. "Yeah. I think I want to be friends with Mikado Gao."

Jack just raises another eyebrow, makes an amused noise, and buries his face back under his tail to go back to sleep. "Then do it. It'll be a good experience for you. You need people in your life other than comrades at work and me."

Thinking back on it, Tasuku was probably being selfish, allowing himself to experience a fire like that. But he can't help it.

The next time Tasuku sees Gao, the asphyxiating sensation doesn't die down at all, the heat of the boy's body warmth still feels like it could reduce him to ashes. But it's not a bad feeling, and Tasuku thinks it's fine.

* * *

 _Second: it hurts to watch him. he shines. he's brighter than the sun, he's too beautiful for your eyes. it's hard to look at him. it's even harder to look away from him. you're going blind._

* * *

The higher Gao rises, the lower Tasuku falls.

Of course, it's not Gao's fault that the Buddy Police continued to grow more and more corrupt by the day at the hands of the adults there. It's not Gao's fault that Tasuku loses his job, loses Jack. It's not Gao's fault that Tasuku no longer has anything.

That doesn't curb any of the frustration that Tasuku has, seeing Gao's victory over Aragami or wonderful family and house. Not when Gao has so much and Tasuku has nothing. He assumes that makes up another part of the fire in his stomach that's always in his stomach when he sees Gao.

That fire appears when Tasuku hears those words that he's fired. Which is strange, because at that time, it had nothing to do with Gao at all. But in that moment, he just really wanted that warmth, which he associated with family and friendship. That warmth that at the time, he could only see Mikado Gao being willing to give to him.

He wants comfort. He wants that comfort of Gao's presence. But he also pales in comparison to Gao's smile, and warmth, that attracts everyone to him. Tasuku sees Gao's friends, and it unnerves him, of how happy they all are around the boy. It's almost magical, how easily attracted people are to him. Even Aragami got caught up in that, a criminal of all things.

The idea of sharing a person is strange. The only person that Tasuku could ever say he was close to having was Jack, and he was a dragon. Jack was an ever constant presence in his life, someone that he could always rely on, and someone that he knew wouldn't leave him for someone else better, because they were fated. The Buddy Police, he had thought was also something similar to that, but he had been kicked out, tossed aside, because he wasn't needed anymore.

He didn't need that with Gao. He didn't need to be another face in that crowd of friends around Gao.

He liked Gao's friends though. They were all nice kids, people that could grow up to become good adults. Tasuku just felt incredibly out of place around them. They could afford to be selfish, and Tasuku had no problems with that. He himself just couldn't afford to be selfish, ever. He needed to be selfless and brave so that he could help others. So it wasn't fair for him to have a large part of Gao.

Tasuku made a list at some point, of all the things he figured was that fire inside him caused by Mikado Gao. It was encouragement from Jack that made him sit down one night and properly assess all of his feelings. The current items were excitement, promise of fun, desire of friendship, companionship, a slight jealousy for all Gao had, and something else that he hadn't identified but ached, and ached and ached.

With Gao, there was something constantly aching. It was a pit in his stomach, hungering for something he couldn't figure out around Gao. It was a pain in his heart when Gao wasn't around, a constant memory of Gao's smile in his mind motivating him to work harder, because he was meeting Gao and his friends for ice cream that weekend. Sometimes Gao's smile is so bright it hurts for Tasuku to look at it, as if he's looking into the sun. It's something too innocent and kind for him. But he wants it, wants it so badly, and so he carves every memory of Gao smiling at him deep into his heart so that he can replay it back later.

He had usually relied on Jack for helping explain these new feelings. Or, as put in Jack's words, "help with your hormones during the puberty phase." They'd sit down together in their apartment and work things through bit by bit.

"Really Jack, this is unnecessary."

"Tasuku, if you don't know exactly what you're feeling, it will be harder for you to solve the problem and control them."

Tasuku ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, staring at the piece of paper Jack had placed in front of him that he was supposed to write on. "It's fine, I haven't needed to do something like this ever before." He's about to crumple the paper, but Jack's claw on the paper stopped him.

"You haven't had a friendship problem before, and you're also in the adolescent phase. It is a confusing part of life, but the sooner you cope with that, the better."

Tasuku groaned, but went through writing down his feelings on the paper anyways, and going through them one by one with Jack. That's what family is for, after all, being there for each other.

But there was no longer any Jack.

He needs to get stronger, because he no longer has the Buddy Police, or even Jack to rely on. He needs to get stronger, so that the same wouldn't happen to Gao. So he had to take down Disaster.

He needs to tell Gao. He needs to see Gao last time, no matter how painful it'll be. He's going to find out what's going on, with the Buddy Police, with Disaster, with Gaen Kyoya, and if anything happened, he didn't want Gao to worry. But just telling Gao would make him worry, that was just the type of person Gao was. He was wonderful and kind and caring and strong and he was a rising sun in Tasuku's life and he couldn't jeopardize that existence. He needed to distance himself from Gao.

Tasuku finds himself at Gao's doorstep anyways.

And out of selfishness, he lets Gao join him on his journey into the heart of Disaster.

* * *

 _Third: your ears are turned to his voice. you could pick him out in a sea of thousands. his voice makes pretty singers who sing pretty songs sound dull. his voice makes everything else sound ugly._

* * *

Even with the heavy armour dampening the sounds of the outside, he can still here Gao's voice as clearly as if they were right beside each other. No one else has a voice quite like his. Tasuku imagines that his dad had a voice similar to Gao's, something strong yet comforting. He imagines a little cottage on the country side, with no crime and no fighting, and peace and quiet and Gao, with the sun always shining and happy and birds chirping and Gao smiling.

It's a good thing he had stocked up on all those memories of Gao's smiles, Tasuku thinks, because as the Purgatory Knight, he'll never get them again. He puts on heavy armour every morning, covering his face and avoiding every mirror. He can't remember what his own smile looked like, and he doesn't look in a mirror to remind himself.

There's a fear, a fear of what his face now looks like, the face of a traitor. The face of someone with nothing. Aragami demands to know who he is, and Tasuku feels ashamed. At least Aragami had the pride of a buddyfighter to always face them chin up hiding nothing. He's scared that others will see his face and go on about all he's done. The past is the past, now is now. He needs to do things now.

(He's such a scared little kid)

He tries to do the exercise that Jack made him do that one night, to assess his feelings. "I…" He begins, writing down the letter on the piece of paper, the lamp illuminating the desk in the room given to him by Gaen Kyoya. "Am the Purgatory Knight. This is a good thing. I'll be able to help people in ways the Buddy Police can't." He continues this, going through every little thing he can think of, and sorting them into groups on the page. His mind drifts towards Gao, of course.

" _Tasuku-senpai!"_

He remembers the way Gao always calls his name, and that ache that he had been ignoring for so long hit him again tenfold. He doesn't think it matters that much, but then it shows up in his dreams, stronger than ever.

" _Tasuku-senpai!" Gao would smile, and they'd be alone somewhere and buddyfighting. Sometimes it would be Aibo Academy, sometimes it would be Buddy Police headquarters, sometimes it would be that café down the road. But there was him, and there was Gao, and all Tasuku could hear was Gao's voice, going on in that cheery tone that made sunflowers bloom._

 _Once after a buddyfight, it was time for Gao to go home, and Tasuku desperately didn't want it to end there. He didn't want this image of happiness to disappear. Then he'd wake up, and nobody would be there. He wanted it to last. "Goodbye, Tasuku-senpai!" Gao would say, and all it did was make Tasuku's heart ache more._

 _Gao starts walking away, but stops, and turns back. He rushes towards Tasuku, and hugs him hard, and Tasuku can't speak, can't breathe, just wants to have this forever and ever, it's fine if he doesn't see anything else, it's fine if he doesn't hear anything else, feel anything else. Gao smiles up at him in that blindingly beautiful way, and Tasuku could get dizzy from the way Gao just said his name, "Tasuku-senpai!", over and over, and he knows warmth like this will never come again so he clings to it, clings to Gao so hard, hard enough that just maybe this would turn into reality._

Tasuku wakes up alone.

On the morning of the Gaen Cup, Tasuku stares at the heavy helmet in his hands, sitting on his bed. He can feel the black and gold ornate patterns etched onto the helmet underneath his thumb as he runs it down the side.

"What's wrong?" The door opens, and Tasuku's head shoots up in a panic, letting out a sigh of relief and also clenching up inside when he sees Gaen Kyoya walk in. "It's almost time to go."

"I know, I'm just finishing up." Tasuku says briskly, brushing his hair back and fitting his helmet over his head. Only Kyoya and that weird scientist of his knows his identity, but that doesn't make it any less uncomfortable revealing it.

"Mikado Gao."

Tasuku freezes.

"He's mistaking you for someone else, someone stronger. But you have no problem with that, now do you?"

Kyoya's teasing him. Tasuku ignores it, getting up from his bed and begins walking to the door, ignoring the smirk on the other's face. "It doesn't matter now, does it?" Tasuku says, his voice muffled by the helmet.

"I suppose not. I'm just worried it might affect your performance today." Kyoya stands in the doorframe, leaning on one arm and tilting his head down at Tasuku, blocking his exit. "You understand that personal feelings cannot get in the way today. It's an important day."

"Of course. And we should leave so that we can get to the stadium as quickly as possible."

"They live in a different world from us." Kyoya starts again. "Mikado Gao and his friends, they exist in the sunny upperland of this earth, and they can afford to be free and have fun. We're different. We fight for others sakes, so we must give up that heaven to protect it. Some people will get hurt, but it's for their sake."

For their sake.

For Gao's sake.

There was no longer any Jack. And the Buddy Police were longer the noble protectors of their world. There was just Gao, and Gao's friends, who didn't deserve to live in a corrupted world. So Tasuku had to protect it, even if it meant leaving them behind.

Tasuku almost wishes that Gao wouldn't show up, just so that he himself would be saved the heartache.

But Gao is there anyways, and he's staring, and of course he is. Tasuku just betrayed him and everyone else, by joining their enemies. But this was the only way Tasuku could get anything done. He needed to do this, and he needed to do this alone or else others would get hurt.

He takes a deep breath and continues speaking cruel, muted words that he can barely hear. His heart is thumping in his ear so loudly, he can barely hear Paruko shouting, the audience whispering, but Gao's heartbroken expression is clear.

Gao shouts his name, and Tasuku feels like he's been stabbed.

* * *

 _Fourth: the color of his eyes is liquid gold enough to drown in. he is turning you into a clichéd love-wrecked being. you're drowning, always sinking. down, down, down._

* * *

Tasuku is an idiot. Jack accepts him back all the same. Jack tells him it's okay to cry, and Tasuku thinks it's a really nice thing to have a family, but wishes that the hospital room was just a bit bigger so that he could fit a few others inside too.

He's still stuck in the hospital though, due to medical concern. But that's fine. He spends some time just talking with Jack, and realizes how much he missed just having someone to talk to. The topic comes to Gao, of course. It's not even a surprise anymore how Tasuku's heart seems to clench at the mention of the boy's name. He still smiles at the mention though, of the boy who was stronger than he was.

"You should talk to him." Jack says. "Not just as a part of a buddyfight, but just one on one, as friends." He adds on that last part strangely, but Tasuku doesn't question it.

"I'm stuck in a hospital room." Tasuku says. He's pretty sure Gao's too busy preparing for the final match to visit him anyways.

"Are you going to let that stop you?"

"Are you encouraging me to break the rules?"

"I'll overlook it this once."

Tasuku blinks, then smiles and throws the blanket covers off of him. "Buddy Skill, On!" And feels the familiar comfort of Jack's powers flowing through him.

Tasuku meets Gao on the roof, because that's the closest and best place he can think of. Because if they're in Gao's room, his family might hear. Because if they go anywhere else, someone else could hear. Because up there on the roof, only the stars could hear, and Tasuku was fine with sharing a few secrets with them.

Because maybe if he's up high enough he'll stop drowning.

It feels like Gao's eyes have gotten even brighter in that short period where Tasuku had tried to avoid them. A beautiful gold that Tasuku felt if he stared too much in, he could drown in them, and the molten gold would sear his flesh off and release him from his sins. It was heat and passion, just like Gao himself, and Tasuku thought that it was beautiful how perfectly it matched. He honestly found it amazing how he was still able to form words when it felt like he could barely breathe.

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jack giving him strange looks. He doesn't think much into them. He continues to talk with Gao, ignoring the growing pit of dread. The final battle was dangerous, and it was Gao in it, not him. Tasuku can't help but worry. But he also can't do anything about it.

"I… was probably caught up in a lot of things, and in that moment, I made a bad decision that hurt a lot of people." Tasuku admits.

The stars are glittering around him in the night, and the night has a cool breeze running through the air. There's the faint sound of activity downtown, but none near their area. Tasuku can see the Buddy Police headquarters from up here. It's nice. Tasuku missed just being able to relax and sit down like this.

"Tasuku-senpai's stronger than he thinks. But he also needs to depend on others sometimes." Gao says. "It's fine! I'm going to win tomorrow!"

The sunshine in the middle of the night. It's so contradictory, but Tasuku doesn't see anything wrong with the situation. "Good luck," Tasuku says.

"Thanks!"

It feels like forever since he's seen Gao smile at him, and it makes Tasuku's heart explode even more than he can remember. He wanted this moment again. He wanted a million more moments like this in his life, that they could share together. It felt like he could drown in the moment if he just let himself get swept away by Gao's aura. Tasuku probably wouldn't have even cared at this point.

"I love your smile." Tasuku says, the words slipping out of his mouth before he was aware of it.

Gao stares at him in surprise, and Tasuku stares back, and he can see both Drum and Jack staring too. Tasuku had been able to keep it down for so long he couldn't even believe that he had let it slip, and in front of Gao of all people. He could barely think of what to do now, what to say to somehow make this situation okay.

Gao grins at him. "Then after tomorrow's fight is over, I'll show you a thousand, no, a hundred thousand more!" He says, the sunlight lighting up the night.

Happiness, excitement, fun, sadness, jealousy, anger, desire, sunshine, moonlight, the promise of an encounter another day. Mikado Gao.

Oh, maybe it was love.

* * *

 _Fifth: you know him, you love him. Through a thousand lifetimes, across millions of stars, you'd find him, you'd never leave him. You love him, till death do you part._

* * *

Ryuuenji Tasuku is in love with Mikado Gao.

That probably wasn't the best thing to realize hours away from the final battle against Gaen Kyoya that could decide the fate of the earth, but Tasuku can't stop thinking about it. It all seems to make sense now, Tasuku thinks, as he flies closer to Mt. Fuji. The warmth at every touch, the constant longing for more, the strange ache in his heart. In a few minutes, Gao would be starting the final battle against Gaen Kyoya.

He'll try his best, since Gao will be too.

Tasuku fights, and it goes well, and it also doesn't, but in the end they technically win. So Tasuku counts it as a victory, and plans his next steps. He gets accepted back into the Buddy Police, but decides that he should do some exploring of his own. Jack also agrees that it's a good idea, and it's always nice to have his approval.

Before he leaves again, he calls Gao out for a talk, because he didn't get to properly do one last time he left.

"You did good." Tasuku says. "Good job for beating Gaen Kyoya."

"You and Aragami-senpai and Kiri also worked hard! That was a group effort!"

"You can keep the credit though." Tasuku says. He's pretty sure Aragami wanted no part in heroics, and Hyoryu Kiri just wanted to lie low for a while. He himself needed a break. "The reason I called you here is to tell you that I'm going on a journey. I'll be in Dragon World for a while, training and getting stronger. The scenic and peaceful atmosphere will be healthy for me, according to the doctor."

He's pretty sure Dragon World isn't that peaceful or scenic, being inhabited by dragons after all, but he just forgot to mention that tidbit to his doctor.

"Then good luck! When do you leave?"

"Right now, actually." Tasuku gestures to his active Buddy Skill. "I'm heading out right after this." He figured seeing Gao's smile would be a good last memory on earth before his journey.

"Can I go to Dragon World with you?!" Gao says excitedly, leaning in to him with expectation and hope on his face. With a face like that, there's no way Tasuku can refuse. It feels like a repeat of that night where Tasuku had informed Gao about his raid on the Disaster base, only there was no longer any looming fear.

Love brings about heartache. All those times, Tasuku had felt incredible heartache all that time, just from knowing that Gao existed. There was a heartache in Tasuku, knowing that he was going to have to leave Gao for a long a period of time. There was a heartache, knowing that Gao was something too bright and blinding for Tasuku to stay around, but also too warm and gentle for him to stay away. He wanted to stay with Gao, as long as he could, as much as he could, and when he wasn't, he would find the other no matter what. It was like there was something in his soul making him unable to look away from Gao.

Right now, Gao wanted to be with Tasuku. That alone was tumbling around his mind in spirals. But there are no huge consequences this time, and there's no looming fear. There's just Tasuku, and Gao. So Tasuku thinks that being selfish just one more time is fine. "Okay." He says, letting himself smile back at Gao.

It feels like he's soaring, but he actually is soaring, and Gao is right beside him. And it feels amazing.

* * *

 _(Sixth: he loves you, too.)_

* * *

They lie right outside a cave in Dragon World, with Drum and Jack sound asleep by the fire back inside. The stars are beautiful, and look no different from the view back on Earth, back when he had viewed it with Gao before that life-threatening final match. They had made it out alive, and in one piece, with no injuries. Tasuku almost considered it a miracle.

The gentle sound of the fire crackling, the roaring of dragons in the distance, the smell of the leftover stew they had scavaged, the rough rocky ground beneath his back. The glittering million stars in the sky, all watching him and Gao, together. The moment feels sacred, something that only he and Gao could share, a secret only for the stars in the sky.

"You did good at the final match." Tasuku says quietly, not wanting to ruin the silence.

"It's all 'cause you were there with me." Gao whispers.

Tasuku stops breathing, and he doesn't dare to look over at Gao's expression. "Yeah. Me too." He says. "We managed to drive Disaster back for now, thanks to you. I could fight back the outer forces thanks to you." Really, everything was thanks to Gao. Tasuku having Jack back, realizing his mistakes, not being alone anymore. "Everything's thanks to you. Really, thank you. I'm so glad I met you, Gao-kun."

Gao sits up abruptly, and from his angle on the ground, Tasuku can't even see his face. "Tasuku-senpai, can I…" Gao says quietly, and it's probably the fire, and it's probably the dark, and it's probably the fatigue from training earlier today that's making Tasuku imagine the red on the younger boy cheeks.

"Can you what?"

"Ah, this is frustrating!" Gao yells all the sudden, then turns and faces Tasuku head on. "Can you close your eyes for a second? Just a second!"

"S-Sure," Tasuku says, and closes his eyes.

He feels a light pressure against his lips, a warm one, and his eyes snap open to see Gao, eyes closed, shadows falling across his face, face right above his, and their lips pressed together. Gao's kissing him. Tasuku forgets how to move altogether. He forgets how to breathe.

Eventually the other draws back, and Gao's face is hovering above his, eyes of liquid gold practically glowing in the dark, and even with all the shadows and the dark of night Tasuku's sure that Gao right in this moment is brighter than any star up in the sky. And there's no longer any air in his lungs and Tasuku's out of words in his brain, so he reaches up and cups Gao's cheek, feeling how warm and soft it is, and he leans up to kiss Gao again.

It feels like every dream he's had, every hope and every desire, fulfilled. In this little cave in Dragon World, Tasuku thinks for the first time that all his hard work has paid off.

He lets go of Gao because drowning would be bad, especially right now after he had just achieved his happiness suddenly. There was that saying that people "could die happy" after achieving love. That was the last thing Tasuku now wanted. Gao's still holding himself up over Tasuku, their faces still close enough to kiss again.

"T-Tasuku-senpai, I sort of…"

"Yeah, I think, maybe me too."

Gao's face twists into a grin, and Tasuku joins him, and thinking back on all those heartaches, it feels so ridiculous and funny now. All that worrying, all that sadness, all that pain, it was all worth it if Tasuku could have moments like this.

Gao reaches his hand up to take Tasuku's hand still on his cheek, and Tasuku can practically feel the other's heartbeat. "Tasuku-senpai, I like you!" Gao says, gripping Tasuku's hand and looking straight into him.

"Yeah, I do too. I like you, Gao-kun."

They fall apart laughing, still holding hands, laughing into the night. And Tasuku's heart is soaring.

* * *

1\. Headcanon that Jack had to give Tasuku the puberty talk and since Jack's a dragon he assumed it was around the same thing for humans so Tasuku was super confused for a year or so until Takihara stepped in.

2\. Ah yes I never said Gao didn't do anything HAHA TRICKED YOU haha...

3\. These idiots are in love I can't believe this

4\. It's not even subtle anymore I hate this Bushiroad


End file.
